Black Girls Living Lavishly

There’s a viral article in Vogue Magazine titled, “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” Chante Joseph wrote a brilliant piece regarding the shift women are making away from centering the male ego, and towards personal fulfillment. People are laughing, quoting it, reposting it, and turning it into a meme- but beneath the humor is something much deeper. What looks like mockery is really exhaustion. Women are tired. Tired of explaining, shrinking, apologizing, and performing emotional acrobatics to soothe the fragile male ego.

I understand it in my bones. I divorced in 2022, and in the years since, I’ve peeled back every layer of conditioning that told me a woman’s value is tied to how well she supports or stabilizes a man. I tried to do it “right”- the wife, the encourager, the visionary, the servant. But when I finally stepped away, I realized that what I’d been carrying wasn’t partnership; it was management.

Now, in 2025, I can say with full peace: I will never marry a man again. It’s not rooted in bitterness, but in clarity. I want love that feels like mutual care, not emotional labor disguised as devotion. I want partnership that honors reciprocity, not power dynamics. And for me, that means softness, safety, and spiritual alignment: things I’ve only experienced in my relationships with women and within myself.

I’m not embarrassed by men. I’m simply uninterested in shrinking myself to protect one. The male ego has been coddled for centuries, in homes, churches, and boardrooms, while women were told to be patient, nurturing, and forgiving to the point of self-erasure. That era is ending.

We’re not angry; we’re awake. We’re reclaiming the sacred energy that used to go toward fixing or explaining, and redirecting it toward joy, wholeness, and sovereignty. Some will call it rebellion. I call it rest.

And yes, the path here has been messy. My healing has taken years, because I didn’t rush to replace my discomfort with distraction. I sat in the silence that many men run from; the kind of silence that exposes the ego and demands transformation. While many seek validation, I seek truth. And though my process hasn’t been polished, it’s been honest. I’m rebuilding not for appearances, but for endurance. What I’m creating now will last for decades, because it’s built on the strength of self-respect, not the illusion of being chosen.